Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Becoming Parents Again for our Children's Children
This is an article about grandparents raising their grandchildren and becoming parents again. How this affects grandparents and what we can do is discussed here.
Grandparents raising their grandchildren are becoming more and more widespread these days. Why? Some of the reasons include teen pregnancy, abandonment by parents, unwanted pregnancy, resentment of children for loss of freedom, parents are deceased, and substance abuse among many others..
How does raising grandchildren affect grandparents?
Strongly! All grandparents love their grandchildren tremendously. They are the first ones in line to take on this massive responsibility.
Emotionally, the experience can be very straining. You have to learn their needs-and meet them- all over again. When your own children leave home you become accustomed to certain things, such as, more freedom, more time to spend with your spouses, and less financial responsibility. After you take on the raising of your grandchildren it changes everything. It is now back to diapers, overnight feedings, less freedom, more financial hardship, and more sibling rivalry. No mother can ever miss sibling rivalry.
Your nerves become less stable the older you get to noise and stress. Some grandparents simply don't want to be parents again but have been forced into the situation.
The impacts of the situation
Physically you are exhausted. You are now doing more cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, and much more. You have less energy the older you get. But the insomnia has finally gone away. When you used to get up at 5:00 a.m. for no reason, or the lack of ability to sleep, you are now craving sleep due to overnight feedings, nightmares, or sickness from the children.
Financially you are more strapped. Some grandparents that are caring for their grandchildren are just surviving on Social Security checks and we all know that is not much. You now have taken on the financial responsibility of school clothes, extra-curricular activities, more groceries, health insurance, doctor bills, and braces.
Becoming a parent again can be overwhelming. You may feel guilty for having these feelings because you love them so very much. The best thing you can do to help your grandchildren against the affects of the situation that brought them to you is counseling and tremendous love and understanding. They will no doubt go through times of feelings of abandonment, depression, low self-esteem, and anger, that can lead to sexual promiscuity and drug use that will no doubt lead them into full circle of a possible unwanted or unexpected pregnancy. They need to be reassured that they are loved by you and their parents.
How to get help
Find a good support group with other grandparents in your situation or seek counseling. no matter how you came to acquire custody of your grandchildren you will definately need support.
Grandparents sometimes go through depression, stressfulness, anxiety and guilt. Even though you love them dearly you never think you will have to go through parenthood again. It is alright to have these feelings and it is totally normal. Don't feel guilty about it. If you can't find a support group in your area, start one. Place an ad in the local newspaper asking for others in your position to answer your ad and start a support group from there. Don't feel ashamed for having the feelings you are having. Most likely, others are having the same feelings and needing to talk about it also. Talking about it with others will help you to share advice on parenting issues and how to handle the situation.
For more information visit the National Center for Respite and Crisis Care Services , which has excellent resources for grandparents raising grandchildren.
