Grandparents Suffer Empty Nest
Coping With The Absence Of Grandchildren During The Holidays
Nov 24, 2007
As the holidays approach, it can be a difficult time for grandparents. Empty nest seems to reenter their lives when families are separated by distance and they acutely feel the absence of grandchildren during the holidays.
Holiday Depression & Seniors
It’s a fact that holiday depression for seniors begins as the familiar sights of festive decorations, twinkling lights and endless advertisements for toys bring back memories of past holiday experiences. Saving and shopping for much-dreamed-of toys, keeping them hidden from prying eyes, hanging decorations and baking cookies, attending endless holiday school programs and staying up way too late on Christmas Eve to assemble and wrap are remembered like it was yesterday.
Grandparents: Empty Nest Returns
As children grow and leave home, parents deal with the inevitable effects of empty nest. They learn to cope with new-found time alone, either with our without spouses , and re-direct their energies toward themselves after years of focusing on their children’s needs exclusively. It can be a wonderful and richly rewarding time in life. Yet when grandchildren come along and are living a distance away, it can feel much like dealing with feelings of loss all over again, only this time it’s as grandparents.
The Absence of Grandchildren
Empty nest seems to strike again with the absence of grandchildren during the holidays. It’s not easy to deal with the pain of being away from grandchildren during the holidays. It’s such a precious time, with an excitement and wonder for the little ones that is almost indescribable, a time that is fleeting and precious. Even for parents who have embraced their own children’s choices and accepted the fact that they are living their lives in their own way, and perhaps from a great distance, they struggle when it comes to the absence of their grandchildren during the holidays. Often they may find themselves feeling anger and resentment that they didn’t even know they had. Why can’t their children find jobs closer to them? Why do they have to be so far away?
Coping with Loss
So, how can long-distance grandparents deal with their feelings? One way is to focus on the relationship…no matter how far away they may be, the beauty of communication today is that it’s available to everyone, and it’s instantaneous.
- Cell phones, computers, fax machines and web cams make it easier than ever to stay connected. Take advantage of these tools during the holidays and any family events that are important, such as birthdays, religious ceremonies, school events, etc.
- Show your grandkids you're 'with it’: check your email on a regular basis, and know how to send them fun and interesting age-appropriate links they can enjoy.
- Read them your favorite holiday story, whether it’s just your voice or a video. Dress in holiday colors or clothing…particularly for young school-aged kids who are immersed in the season, it’s another way of connecting with where they are.
- Share your Kwanzaa traditions and memories with your grandchildren. Grandparents often have different memories than their children have, and grandkids love to hear what their parents were like at their age!
Sharing with Others
The worst of grandparents empty nest can be avoided even though you can’t change the void created by the absence of grandchildren during the holidays. In addition to connecting to your own grandchildren long distance, you can participate in reading time at your local library, offer to wrap gifts for an organization like the Salvation Army at your local mall, or assist in a local toy drive. No matter how old you are, giving of yourself through involvement with others always helps to bring joy and minimize holiday depression for seniors.
