But, no one wants to make the solution more of a burden than the problem. There are some pitfalls that both grandparents and parents must avoid in order to keep established relationships healthy while taking advantage of a workable solution.
Grandparents as Care Givers
Grandparents can provide good and healthy daycare for their grandchildren. Such a task can increase the bond between grandparent and children, as well as allowing each an intimate look into the others' lives. This can forge understanding and appreciation across generations as well as be a life saving solution for parents who work.
Grandparents, however, have to keep in mind a few things. First of all, grandparents must respect their adult children's style of parenting. Everything from discipline to feeding schedules has to be discussed so that the child has consistence between houses and families. While grandparents are often known for indulging grandchildren, during the week care giving is not the time to do so. Parents are the first teachers of children, and care giving grandparents must remember to respect the way a parent wants a child raised.
In addition, grandparents have to recognize that this is a long term commitment that requires much responsibility. Whether it is minding an infant throughout the day or simply providing afterschool monitoring, grandparents must remember that this is a serious commitment and a lot of work. Neither is that work easy. Kids are a tough business, and most grandparents who are able to do this either work from home or are retired. Grandparents need to take a seriously hard look at the issue of how they want to spend their time.
Parents need to also realize what kind of hard work this is and cannot automatically expect that grandparents are always available to cover day care or even to babysit for an evening. There must be established a mutual respect between the parents and the grandparents if this is to work.
Parents also need to explore the notion of payment. This is a hard job, so maybe some kind of token payment would be acceptable in recognition of the work involved and to differentiate between just spending time with the kids and being their full time care giver.
Communication is the Key
Parents and grandparents must communicate clearly on what is expected of each in these new roles. Everything from snack time and content through homework rules have to be discussed and agreed upon. After that, everyone must be aware of and stick to the agreement.
Furthermore grandparents, while they may think they know a better way, must still respect the way parents want their kids raised and cared for. Sometimes that is not an easy place for a grandparent to be. Agree to a time limited trial time to see how it works. If it does, then the arrangement can be permanent, if not, with no hard feelings, parents can seek other sources for child care options.
Don't Take It PersonallyAbove all, no matter what the outcome, remember not to take it personally. Some grandparents are not cut out for full time child care and some parents and grandparents are unable to negotiate a healthy solution. Sometimes the arrangement is simply not meant to be. Giving it a try with communication and honestly is the best way to start out and may be just the solution working parents are looking for.
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